Warning......rant ahead.

*This is advanced warning that this post is going to be a bit of a rant.*

As you may have gathered my eating and exercising habits have been way out of whack during the past few months,and as a result of that I have gotten a bit squashy as I have lost muscle tone and I have also put on about 3 kgs of fat. I knew this and I have been trying really hard in the past few weeks to get my shit together again.

Well, my sister has a friend who is about 5 foot nothing and is pushing 160kgs in weight and she said to my sister that I had put on heaps of weight!!!!!!!!!! The cheek of some people!!!! Holy Shit!!!
When my sister told me this (cause she tells me everything) I went ape shit I was so annoyed, why does she think she has the right to say anything?!?!

Now I am really annoyed because that has got in my head now, and even though I have got the food and exercise back on track, I can hear her voice saying "ewww fattie" "look at the state of you" and I really need to change the voice in my head.................getting it off my chest has actually been good.

Grant me serenity..

....I had decided that I was going to clean up my eating last week and stop eating so much CRAP, welly well well well................that didn't happen as well as I would of liked it too.

I ended up getting sick and was feeling really rubbish on Tuesday so we had takeaways (oopsie #1) as well as being sick the kids were utter little butt heads so I ended up cooking what they would eat with the least amount of resistance and then on Friday I was working and the man child was at his work do so grandies had the kids I got home at 8 and the MC got home at 8.30 soooooooooooo we had takeaways again(oopsie#2).

I am going to go to bed now before I consume my body weight in chocolate....it either that or bang my head against a wall.

This blog is like an abandoned child...

Good morning Internet peoples, sorry I have neglected you since JULY, I knew it was bad but not that bad.

What been going on in my world?? Well I have finished up my study for the year and I think that I have done pretty well in it, towards the end of the semester I was starting to get a bit over it, the kids kept getting sick so I wasn't sleeping well and it seemed like the tutors at tech had given up on us and were just showing up for lectures so that they could get paid.  But that being said I have really enjoyed the year.

I have been eating sooooooo badly even though I know better, lollies and chippies and bread and potatoes...very little or NO veges. I knew that the weight was creeping back on but no body had said anything about it until last night when my husband said "I think you need to go back to the gym" and hes right, so I am taking this week to get back in to my rhythm of meal prepping and no junk food and hopefully by the end of next week I will be sorted again.

Also now that I have time I am going to aim to update this blog more regularly, because it does actually help keep me on track.

Blast! review

Hi peoples! This week I am reviewing Blast,which is just a step class with a different name. 

What are my thoughts on this class...........well personally I hated it, it wasn't the intensity of the class I didn't like I think that its because of the way its delivered. I think I might go and do the same class at another gym with a different instructor and see if that makes a difference.

Overall its quiet high intensity and I was sweating profusely(always a good sign) within a pretty short amount of time. I think this class might be pretty daunting for beginners because theres a lot of fancy foot work and hands, and if you are anything like me feet and hands and trying to learn something new doesn't always work out well.

I ended up getting in an argument with the instructor after this class because for the 12 week challenge I have a little passport that I have to get signed off by the instructor after every class I attend, my trainer and I made a deal that I could count cross fit as one of mine even though technically its not group fitness ,well this lady went off her tits at me telling me no I couldn't count it and I was disqualified from the challenge and blah blah and I would have to make it up with another class, jeez she made me so angry normally I would of told her where to stick it, but I was feeling zen that day so just walked away.

HA!

Every once in a while I transfer the photos from my phone on to the laptop, while I was doing it today I came across this pearla 

ha ha ha ha ha ha attractive, I'm gonna be fighting the dudes of with a stick. HA!

Next Class Review.

This week I did CROSS FIT!!!! ,ended up getting in to an argument with the group fitness instructor about whether or not I can count it as one of my classes but more about that later. Unless you have been living under a rock for the past couple of years you will probably know what Cross fit is, but if you don't basic run down is functional movements at high intensity doing AMRAP(as many reps as possible).

Not the video I wanted but general gist is there.

What did I think of it? I can definitely understand where all the hype for it comes from, I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!

I think because its functional movements that everyone can do and you can adjust it to your level of fitness.I attended an intro class with my cousin,Mel, and in an intro class you do a basic warm up and then you do a WOD(workout of the day) the one we did was thrusters,box jumps,push ups,pull ups and 100 meter sprints we had to see how many sets we could do in 10 minutes, I did 4 and a bit!

Would I do it again? Hard to say from the point of view of needing to add something extra to my fitness regime,yeas I would go again...from the point of view of a baby personal trainer probably not,the chance of injury is just to high because the focus is on AMRAP and not necessarily on proper form.

Another thing that might put people of is the cost of it $50.50 a week, given you can attend as many times as you want in that week but for some people they would only be able to go once which makes it a total rip.

And heres a after photo, may not look it but my cheeks were so red and hot and I was really sweaty.Also being unsafe and taking pics while I was driving!

OK next review is Group Blast and more details about the argument I had.

Group Power Review.

You may remember that previously I had said that I was doing a challenge and I had to attend 1 group fitness class a week. The first class I attended was Power. Basically it is weights at medium/high intensity.

What did I think of it?

 Mmmmmm, I enjoyed it and would do it again, but I found it quiet easy. That was probably because I was using low weights, another thing was because it involves a lot of squats it was aggravating my knee injury which caused me to use poor form  to preserve my range of movement.

Some people I have meet absolutely RAVE about it, but honestly I thought it was pretty mediocre, fun way to pass an hour but there are better things out there.

Probably should of done my research first

So I am in day 1 of my challenge at the gym, so that means day one of my detox and I am so so so so hungry. I couldnt stomach the soup so I have only had toast and hummus and a couple of spoonfuls of the soup.

I knew that I was going to feel like shit for the first couple of days and that it was going to be hard, but throughout my journey I have never deprived myself of anything and the fact that I have to has really been rubbing me the wrong way today. I have learnt that depriving myself leads to me having an almighty binge where I eat EVERYTHING I can get my hands on,even if its something that I dont like.

I have been at work today and then when I got home I just googled "are detoxes good for you?" and  not suprisingly the answer has been a resounding NO, not only do you deprive your body of nutrients, any weight that you might lose you will gain back the minute you start eating again, it doesnt even have to be normally, because detoxes are normally so low in calories that eating even slightly more than this will make you gain weight.

I dont want to give up on this detox but sensibility says that I cant maintain day to day function on just bread and hummus. I think that I can create my own sustainable detox that wont deprive me of anything,off I go in to the depths of the internet to find something, or maybe I can skip forward and have normal food for one meal and follow the detox for other meals,I think that this would work as long as I ate cleanly for the rest of the day and focused on plant foos and lean protien.

The next 2 weeks

So I have entered a 12 week challenge at my gym, and what I didn't realize was that for the first 2 weeks I would have to do a detox! And a scary one at that!!!

For the next couple of weeks I  have to live on soup. And toast. And water. AGH!!! This is gonna be a test on the old willpower especially since it has been lacking of late.

it looks so............ugh...................healthful.

The ingredient list is:

2 Tbsp cold pressed olive oil

1 large onion chopped

30mm knob of fresh ginger,grated

Fresh parsley chopped

1 tsp Tumeric

2 small tomatoes chopped

1/2 turnip and 1/2 a parsnip

1carrot grated

1 cup pumpkin cubes

1 zucchini cubed

1 large potato chopped.

-so heat oil cook onion till it goes glassy then chuck everything else in.

then add:

2cups water

2Tbsp tamari

2 brussel sprouts chopped

2 cups cauliflower chopped

1 chopped head of broccoli

1 leaf of silverbeet chopped including stalk

500gm frozen peas

garlic cruched

green beans

1 tin of lentils drained.

- hiff this in and stir and then add

1cup spinach

3 Tbsp Miso paste

5 strips wakame

1tsp ground nutmeg

4 cups water and return to the boil stirring.Reduce to simmer until vegetables are cooked. Keep lid on turn heat off and let cool.

So I have this for a everything I want to eat apart from breakfast when I can have gluten-free bread or rice cakes with: banana&nut butter,avocado,hummus,tahini or gluten free baked beans. I think with the soup I might leave some chunky so its like a stew and have it at dinner time so that I feel like I am having a semi decent meal.

I am not going in to the forbidden list because that will just make me depressed, at least I dont have to give up my sparkling water and if I get the urge I can force myself to choke down a green juice..................but I highly doubt that will happen.I went and warned my bosses that I am going to get hangry, and they laughed but they will soon learn its no laughing matter.

The other part of the challenge is that I have to attend 1 group fitness class a week at either of the 2 gyms, now normally I avoid group fitness because normally I find one that I like and they bloody well cancel it. I figure that to make it fun I will do the classes and then rate them on my blog, you know just coz I can. I think the first one I do will be cross fit, because I have been itching to do it for a while and since I am on holiday from my school at the moment I finally have the time to do it.

Skeletons in the closet

*Warning heavy post coming up*

Today I got asked if I was ever bullied at school and the answer is yes, biggest and easiest target always gets taken down first dont they.

When I was in college there was a group of girls the same age as me and they absolutely tormented me they were the most vial stuck up little cows that anyone will ever have the displeasure of meeting....... if its not obvious in my writing this question dragged answers out of me that I had pushed pretty much right out of my life, they were in the dumpster out the back ready to be taken to the dump.

Not only did these girls torment me physically they also messed me up mentally, I withdrew from life basically I participated in things but at the lowest level possible, I had(and still have) a hard time trusting people and in the end I decided fuck people(theoretically,not literally) and I would be a horrible horrible bitch to everyone so that no one could ever get close enough to hurt me. 

I had no self confidence and would very rarely look anyone in the eye, I thought that I wasnt interesting or even good enough for anyone to talk to, stooping over like this has lead to me having poor slouchy posture and actually developing a lump on the back of my neck, which with help from my personal trainer we are starting to reverse it. 

And the nailer of it all was I was being picked on because not only was I taller than everyone else I was fatter than everyone, so I coped with feeling shit by eating and eating and eating. We never really had crap food at home when I was growing up and we didnt really have takeaways a lot....maybe once a week, and I in no way blame my parents for the situation I got in to (i love my parentals) it was totally my own fault come home from school and sit on my ass and eat, and I guess it goes to show its not WHAT you are eating but HOW MUCH you are eating which truly effects your weight.

After leaving school it took me a long time to realise that it doesnt matter what people that arent important in your life think of you. I realised these girls were insignificant little gnats whose own lives were probably so shit that they needed an easy target to take it out on. I now talk myself up A LOT which probably annoys the crap out of my loved ones, but positive self talk is amazing...............I have a really really good friend that I used to tell how good looking I was and he used to just go along with me, sounds silly but it really helped me and it gives you a glow.

I know this post is probably really rambling and ranting and kinda hate filled as well, so simply my message is.....if you are getting bullied remember you are BETTER than what they are, you are STRONGER than what they are and in the big picture they are WORTHLESS.

#smallthingmakemesmile and #smallthingsamusesmallminds

Hee hee I found this picture of me from agggggggggggggges ago and posted it on Facebook, and instead of recognizing it as me it asked if I would like to tag my friend?

Every now and then when my motivation dips I like to do things like this to remind myself of how far I have come and do I want to go back to that?.....................and the answers is always "OH HELL NAW"

I also have a newly found fondness of stupid face selfies.

Like this handsome number #smallthingsamusesmallminds.

Mr Oats is my spirit animal.

If you have never heard of The Oatmeal I recommend checking his page out, full of cats and randomness and more recently he has been posting about fitness and this little beauty above...... and being honest this is totally true.....gravy completes me also.

This is worth checking out too

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/what_you_see

Hmmm what else..... am in the middle of final exams for my first semester of tech and of course, karma being the cow that she is the kids have been sick, so I have been cooking and baking to try not to stress about it. I made this Sugar-Free Salted Peanut Butter Fudge from I Quit Sugar.Wellllllly well well I thought that I would leave out the sweetener and I would be good coz I am used to stuff not being super sweet.................nup it tasted like King Tridents salty butt hole, or what I imagine it tastes like...

So whats any self respecting person going to do??? yeah that's right add chocolate bitches!!!!

I think its an improvement...........a MASSIVE one :D

My one doesn't look like this...mines ugly  and has chunky bit because me being me I got crunchy peanut butter instead of smooth duh.....

Ugly ain't it???

Pumpkin Soup

Whats better than a big bowl of hot soup on a cold miserable day?

I made this super yummy thai inspire pumpkin soup last night and wow! It is paleo friendly for all you cave people out there. The only problem is I am not a recipe follower or writer I am more of a chuck and throw cook so this is a rough recipe.

Kinda Thai Pumpkin Soup.

2x Spring onions whole lot chopped      1 Tbsp Cooking Fat- I used bacon fat

1 tsp ground ginger      1tsp crushed Garlic    sprinkle of dried chillies-use fresh if you have them

pumpkin- not sure how much I used I was given 2 bags of the pre chopped stuff and used both

4 cups Stock       1 can Coconut Milk- save some of the thick stuff off the top

Couple of Keffir Leaves   Fish Sauce- to your preference  1Tbsp Umami Salt

and if you like a dollop of Sweet Chilli Sauce

So put your cooking fat in a large pot add ginger and garlic and stir round till its fragrant, bung in the spring onions and chilli. When the white bits of spring onions are soft, add the pumpkin,keffir leaves and the stock. Leave to come to the boil and allow to simmer for 30 minutes-1 hour, or til pumpkin is soft. Add the coconut milk and fish sauce stir well. After this I put it in the food processor and blended it till smooth then put back in to the pot and played round with flavourings, and added the umami salt and I added a bit of cinnamon but think nutmeg might work well too.

When I served the soup I drizzled the thick stuff from the can of coconut milk over the top and for hubby a drop of sweet chilli sauce, which sunk to the bottom and when he stirred it through it gave an added zing to this tasty concoction.

Golly what a horrendous photo, meh food doesnt need to look good to taste good.

And if you dont know what Umami Salt is, its made in Nelson by Urban Hippie , it is a live food that possesses enzymes that bring out the umami properties in food, and I use it instead of salt .

Famous.......

Sorry for being a slack blogger I know I promised I wouldn't be,but stuff happens.

I recently wrote a short assignment abou my weight loss for a national website and they actually published it!!! I am feeling like a bit of a celebrity.

Heres the link if curious.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff-nation/assignments/fighting-fat-in-new-zealand/10104171/At-144kgs-something-clicked

Also I did a 5km run a few weeks ago and managed to run most of it woohoo!!!

Feijoa Jam

 Hey Hey , I must apologise for being slack, life got in the way and I ended up making a few trips to hospital with one of the childebeast's...........

I have been on break from school so instead of studying like I should of been I have been making stuff, we ended up with a surplus of feijoa's because the in-laws have a big bush. I am not a fan of eating feijoas but I really like their citrussy floral scent so I am guilty of letting them sit in the fruit bowl for a bit to long just so I can sit and sniff them.

This year I thought I better not do that so me and the big childebeast made this incredibly easy icecream and for the rest I made Feijoa Jam or Jelly. I am fairly confident that it is paleo OK, please set me straight if I am wrong, but heres the recipe.

Feijoa Jam

1.5 kgs Feijoa Flesh           1 Tablespoon Coconut Sugar

1-2 Tablespoon Grass Fed Gelatin

So this is really basic scoop all the inside of the feijoas out in to a big saucepan, sprinkle the sugar over the fruit. Bring to the boil and let bubble away for 5ish minutes. If you like chunkier jam add the gelatin now and stir through well, then let cool slightly before pouring in to sterilised jars. You will get about 2 jars full.

.......

If you are like me and DONT like chunky jam once I had finished boiling it I added the gelatin and then blitzed it to a smooth consistency before jarring up.

Keep this in the fridge and it will last about a month.

I tried a little bit of this , which is a big deal for a non feijoa eater, and I thought it was yum. Asked the 5 year old if he liked it and he told me it tasted liked bread?!?!?! 

Funny way to start a juice fast.

Well I did actually start my juice fast this morning, and I actually don't feel like my throat has been cut or that I am missing out...................yet.

Anyways I have been baking this morning for my friend that has just had a baby and is going to be in hospital a bit and I just know that she is going to be less than impressed with the hospital food, so super paleo baking lady to the rescue.

I found this recipe by mistake on NomNomPaleo while I was lurking around there looking for something for dinner, the actual recipe is on the Primal Palate site.

These cookies are amazing!They taste just like a traditional choc chip cookie, they are very soft though so you can fix this by leaving them in the oven a bit longer to let them dry out more, DON'T FORGET THEM they will burn and they are not nice when they are burnt, or if you don't trust your memory reduce the amount of maple syrup you use by 1-2 tablespoons.

Another thing to remember is if you make BIG cookies, watch the serving size. I generally make them teaspoon sized so that I CAN have a couple because it is a bit hard to stop at just one.

I don't think a visit will get turned down if I turn up offering these cookies and a tray of paleo brownies do you?

Starting Again...............

Hi everyone out there in Internet land!

So this blog is going to be dedicated to my crazy adventures in losing the last few kilo's that have stubbornly been holding on for the past year. I previously had a blog that was about the main part of my weight loss mission and my time with weight watchers, as I started moving away from the weight watchers principles and looking in to clean eating a paleo the blog died a slow horrible death until I finally deleted it at the start of this year.

So where to begin 3 years ago this was me

 I was 144 kilos probably more being honest, I couldn't walk far , I was a horrible horrible person to be around and ended up pushing people away leaving me with very few friends.

I joined weight watchers and slowly muddled my way through

And did some cool stuff along the way like a 5km fun run/walk entered my first 1/2 marathon(and finished) did a 20 km ocean race in the waka. And the biggest thing is I lost 50 kilograms and ended up looking pretty damned good. 

I am also now studying Diploma in Applied Fitness with my end goal of that being that I become a personal trainer and can help people that are like what I used to be like.

So as a follow on from what I am studying and interested in I use myself as a test subject quiet a bit and this week I have decided to try doing a juice fast over the weekend 2 days maybe 3 max and see how it goes.

I found this website www.juicerecipes.com and have decide that this is what I am having for breakfast tomorrow http://juicerecipes.com/recipes/fruity-punch-twist-60 

And hopefully now that I have a blog again it might work as another form of motivation for me.

Right I'm out for now, hope this has been okay reading.