Probably should of done my research first

So I am in day 1 of my challenge at the gym, so that means day one of my detox and I am so so so so hungry. I couldnt stomach the soup so I have only had toast and hummus and a couple of spoonfuls of the soup.

I knew that I was going to feel like shit for the first couple of days and that it was going to be hard, but throughout my journey I have never deprived myself of anything and the fact that I have to has really been rubbing me the wrong way today. I have learnt that depriving myself leads to me having an almighty binge where I eat EVERYTHING I can get my hands on,even if its something that I dont like.

I have been at work today and then when I got home I just googled "are detoxes good for you?" and  not suprisingly the answer has been a resounding NO, not only do you deprive your body of nutrients, any weight that you might lose you will gain back the minute you start eating again, it doesnt even have to be normally, because detoxes are normally so low in calories that eating even slightly more than this will make you gain weight.

I dont want to give up on this detox but sensibility says that I cant maintain day to day function on just bread and hummus. I think that I can create my own sustainable detox that wont deprive me of anything,off I go in to the depths of the internet to find something, or maybe I can skip forward and have normal food for one meal and follow the detox for other meals,I think that this would work as long as I ate cleanly for the rest of the day and focused on plant foos and lean protien.

The next 2 weeks

So I have entered a 12 week challenge at my gym, and what I didn't realize was that for the first 2 weeks I would have to do a detox! And a scary one at that!!!

For the next couple of weeks I  have to live on soup. And toast. And water. AGH!!! This is gonna be a test on the old willpower especially since it has been lacking of late.

it looks so............ugh...................healthful.

The ingredient list is:

2 Tbsp cold pressed olive oil

1 large onion chopped

30mm knob of fresh ginger,grated

Fresh parsley chopped

1 tsp Tumeric

2 small tomatoes chopped

1/2 turnip and 1/2 a parsnip

1carrot grated

1 cup pumpkin cubes

1 zucchini cubed

1 large potato chopped.

-so heat oil cook onion till it goes glassy then chuck everything else in.

then add:

2cups water

2Tbsp tamari

2 brussel sprouts chopped

2 cups cauliflower chopped

1 chopped head of broccoli

1 leaf of silverbeet chopped including stalk

500gm frozen peas

garlic cruched

green beans

1 tin of lentils drained.

- hiff this in and stir and then add

1cup spinach

3 Tbsp Miso paste

5 strips wakame

1tsp ground nutmeg

4 cups water and return to the boil stirring.Reduce to simmer until vegetables are cooked. Keep lid on turn heat off and let cool.

So I have this for a everything I want to eat apart from breakfast when I can have gluten-free bread or rice cakes with: banana&nut butter,avocado,hummus,tahini or gluten free baked beans. I think with the soup I might leave some chunky so its like a stew and have it at dinner time so that I feel like I am having a semi decent meal.

I am not going in to the forbidden list because that will just make me depressed, at least I dont have to give up my sparkling water and if I get the urge I can force myself to choke down a green juice..................but I highly doubt that will happen.I went and warned my bosses that I am going to get hangry, and they laughed but they will soon learn its no laughing matter.

The other part of the challenge is that I have to attend 1 group fitness class a week at either of the 2 gyms, now normally I avoid group fitness because normally I find one that I like and they bloody well cancel it. I figure that to make it fun I will do the classes and then rate them on my blog, you know just coz I can. I think the first one I do will be cross fit, because I have been itching to do it for a while and since I am on holiday from my school at the moment I finally have the time to do it.

Skeletons in the closet

*Warning heavy post coming up*

Today I got asked if I was ever bullied at school and the answer is yes, biggest and easiest target always gets taken down first dont they.

When I was in college there was a group of girls the same age as me and they absolutely tormented me they were the most vial stuck up little cows that anyone will ever have the displeasure of meeting....... if its not obvious in my writing this question dragged answers out of me that I had pushed pretty much right out of my life, they were in the dumpster out the back ready to be taken to the dump.

Not only did these girls torment me physically they also messed me up mentally, I withdrew from life basically I participated in things but at the lowest level possible, I had(and still have) a hard time trusting people and in the end I decided fuck people(theoretically,not literally) and I would be a horrible horrible bitch to everyone so that no one could ever get close enough to hurt me. 

I had no self confidence and would very rarely look anyone in the eye, I thought that I wasnt interesting or even good enough for anyone to talk to, stooping over like this has lead to me having poor slouchy posture and actually developing a lump on the back of my neck, which with help from my personal trainer we are starting to reverse it. 

And the nailer of it all was I was being picked on because not only was I taller than everyone else I was fatter than everyone, so I coped with feeling shit by eating and eating and eating. We never really had crap food at home when I was growing up and we didnt really have takeaways a lot....maybe once a week, and I in no way blame my parents for the situation I got in to (i love my parentals) it was totally my own fault come home from school and sit on my ass and eat, and I guess it goes to show its not WHAT you are eating but HOW MUCH you are eating which truly effects your weight.

After leaving school it took me a long time to realise that it doesnt matter what people that arent important in your life think of you. I realised these girls were insignificant little gnats whose own lives were probably so shit that they needed an easy target to take it out on. I now talk myself up A LOT which probably annoys the crap out of my loved ones, but positive self talk is amazing...............I have a really really good friend that I used to tell how good looking I was and he used to just go along with me, sounds silly but it really helped me and it gives you a glow.

I know this post is probably really rambling and ranting and kinda hate filled as well, so simply my message is.....if you are getting bullied remember you are BETTER than what they are, you are STRONGER than what they are and in the big picture they are WORTHLESS.

#smallthingmakemesmile and #smallthingsamusesmallminds

Hee hee I found this picture of me from agggggggggggggges ago and posted it on Facebook, and instead of recognizing it as me it asked if I would like to tag my friend?

Every now and then when my motivation dips I like to do things like this to remind myself of how far I have come and do I want to go back to that?.....................and the answers is always "OH HELL NAW"

I also have a newly found fondness of stupid face selfies.

Like this handsome number #smallthingsamusesmallminds.

Mr Oats is my spirit animal.

If you have never heard of The Oatmeal I recommend checking his page out, full of cats and randomness and more recently he has been posting about fitness and this little beauty above...... and being honest this is totally true.....gravy completes me also.

This is worth checking out too

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/what_you_see

Hmmm what else..... am in the middle of final exams for my first semester of tech and of course, karma being the cow that she is the kids have been sick, so I have been cooking and baking to try not to stress about it. I made this Sugar-Free Salted Peanut Butter Fudge from I Quit Sugar.Wellllllly well well I thought that I would leave out the sweetener and I would be good coz I am used to stuff not being super sweet.................nup it tasted like King Tridents salty butt hole, or what I imagine it tastes like...

So whats any self respecting person going to do??? yeah that's right add chocolate bitches!!!!

I think its an improvement...........a MASSIVE one :D

My one doesn't look like this...mines ugly  and has chunky bit because me being me I got crunchy peanut butter instead of smooth duh.....

Ugly ain't it???

Pumpkin Soup

Whats better than a big bowl of hot soup on a cold miserable day?

I made this super yummy thai inspire pumpkin soup last night and wow! It is paleo friendly for all you cave people out there. The only problem is I am not a recipe follower or writer I am more of a chuck and throw cook so this is a rough recipe.

Kinda Thai Pumpkin Soup.

2x Spring onions whole lot chopped      1 Tbsp Cooking Fat- I used bacon fat

1 tsp ground ginger      1tsp crushed Garlic    sprinkle of dried chillies-use fresh if you have them

pumpkin- not sure how much I used I was given 2 bags of the pre chopped stuff and used both

4 cups Stock       1 can Coconut Milk- save some of the thick stuff off the top

Couple of Keffir Leaves   Fish Sauce- to your preference  1Tbsp Umami Salt

and if you like a dollop of Sweet Chilli Sauce

So put your cooking fat in a large pot add ginger and garlic and stir round till its fragrant, bung in the spring onions and chilli. When the white bits of spring onions are soft, add the pumpkin,keffir leaves and the stock. Leave to come to the boil and allow to simmer for 30 minutes-1 hour, or til pumpkin is soft. Add the coconut milk and fish sauce stir well. After this I put it in the food processor and blended it till smooth then put back in to the pot and played round with flavourings, and added the umami salt and I added a bit of cinnamon but think nutmeg might work well too.

When I served the soup I drizzled the thick stuff from the can of coconut milk over the top and for hubby a drop of sweet chilli sauce, which sunk to the bottom and when he stirred it through it gave an added zing to this tasty concoction.

Golly what a horrendous photo, meh food doesnt need to look good to taste good.

And if you dont know what Umami Salt is, its made in Nelson by Urban Hippie , it is a live food that possesses enzymes that bring out the umami properties in food, and I use it instead of salt .

Famous.......

Sorry for being a slack blogger I know I promised I wouldn't be,but stuff happens.

I recently wrote a short assignment abou my weight loss for a national website and they actually published it!!! I am feeling like a bit of a celebrity.

Heres the link if curious.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff-nation/assignments/fighting-fat-in-new-zealand/10104171/At-144kgs-something-clicked

Also I did a 5km run a few weeks ago and managed to run most of it woohoo!!!