Skeletons in the closet

*Warning heavy post coming up*

Today I got asked if I was ever bullied at school and the answer is yes, biggest and easiest target always gets taken down first dont they.

When I was in college there was a group of girls the same age as me and they absolutely tormented me they were the most vial stuck up little cows that anyone will ever have the displeasure of meeting....... if its not obvious in my writing this question dragged answers out of me that I had pushed pretty much right out of my life, they were in the dumpster out the back ready to be taken to the dump.

Not only did these girls torment me physically they also messed me up mentally, I withdrew from life basically I participated in things but at the lowest level possible, I had(and still have) a hard time trusting people and in the end I decided fuck people(theoretically,not literally) and I would be a horrible horrible bitch to everyone so that no one could ever get close enough to hurt me. 

I had no self confidence and would very rarely look anyone in the eye, I thought that I wasnt interesting or even good enough for anyone to talk to, stooping over like this has lead to me having poor slouchy posture and actually developing a lump on the back of my neck, which with help from my personal trainer we are starting to reverse it. 

And the nailer of it all was I was being picked on because not only was I taller than everyone else I was fatter than everyone, so I coped with feeling shit by eating and eating and eating. We never really had crap food at home when I was growing up and we didnt really have takeaways a lot....maybe once a week, and I in no way blame my parents for the situation I got in to (i love my parentals) it was totally my own fault come home from school and sit on my ass and eat, and I guess it goes to show its not WHAT you are eating but HOW MUCH you are eating which truly effects your weight.

After leaving school it took me a long time to realise that it doesnt matter what people that arent important in your life think of you. I realised these girls were insignificant little gnats whose own lives were probably so shit that they needed an easy target to take it out on. I now talk myself up A LOT which probably annoys the crap out of my loved ones, but positive self talk is amazing...............I have a really really good friend that I used to tell how good looking I was and he used to just go along with me, sounds silly but it really helped me and it gives you a glow.

I know this post is probably really rambling and ranting and kinda hate filled as well, so simply my message is.....if you are getting bullied remember you are BETTER than what they are, you are STRONGER than what they are and in the big picture they are WORTHLESS.